Calling a Snatchface Out

Dear Garden Girl,

If you are going to drive like a snatchface all over Milwaukee, maybe you should consider doing it in a car not emblazoned with the name of your company, your phone number, and your website? Because usually, when people drive like snatchfaces and piss me off on my way to work, I curse them in my car, shake my fist at them, possibly glare at them; on rare occasions I honk my horn in order to express my disapproval of their behavior. However, because people normally do not ride around with identifying characteristics emblazoned on their cars, I cannot thereafter go on the internets and rant about how much of a snatch they are AND point people to their snatchy website and tell them that if they are considering hiring a gardener maybe they should hire one that does drive like a snatchface.

You know, Garden Girl, I like to drive fast. I get annoyed when people are driving 25 in a 30 or when people are pussies and won't pull out unless they have 2 miles of open road before the next car comes. I can understand your frustration if maybe you had to be somewhere this morning and, goddamnit, all those other cars on the road downtown at 830 in the morning were in your way! HOW DARE THEY? Don't they know you, Garden Girl, has a very important appointment to keep? I mean, look at your puke green car that clearly says Garden Girl on it. This car indicates importance! There are plants to be watered, there are weeds to be pulled, people, clear the road for Garden Girl!

I hope you got to whatever was so goddamn important this morning, my dear friend Garden Girl. In the future if I see you on the road I will certainly pull over to the side and let you pass on by, as your needs are certainly more important than mine. Thanks for making my Friday morning so pleasant by almost hitting me trying to pass me in a non-existent lane, and then endangering the lives of bicyclists by passing everyone in the bike lane on Water St. See you around. I'll be the one in the white Lumina throwing eggs at you, snatchy.

Sincerely,

Kari