Back By Popular Demand...

It's the review of the Race family Christmas movie! Let's set the stage. At Thanksgiving, my sister was all, Marley and Me comes out on Christmas day, so that's going to be our Christmas movie this year. My sister is bossy like that. Kelis wrote that song "Bossy" about her. Anyhoo, so Jenn (my sister for strangers who don't know me who are reading this blog, hello, and please don't show up at my house with a white mask over your face and try to kill me ever, thanks) and her fiancee Erik did not show up until Christmas day this year. Usually, our family eats meat pie for Christmas Eve dinner and then open presents and it's wonderful, la la la, but this year my parents and I watched some golf reality show on the Golf Channel on Christmas Eve, yes, a golf reality show on the Golf channel actually exists, and yes, we actually watched it. I was trying to convince my parents to order Tropic Thunder on pay per view, but my dad is mentally deficient and refuses to commit to anything that will consume more than an hour of his life at a time, well, with the exception of sporting events. TRUE STORY. (I know I am rambling here, but deal with it, I AM SO BORED I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN WRITE THIS RAMBLING INSANE BLOG ENTRY.)

The worst thing about the golf reality show was that my mom and I TOTALLY got sucked into it, so even after my dad went to bed at like 8pm we still stayed up to watch it, AND we made everyone watch the rest of the marathon last night because we had to see who won. Getting back to the xmas movie though, even before Jenn and Erik showed up I told my mom I was not down with Marley and Me cause my wonderful morning radio show, Dave and Carole on WKLH, has been talking lately about that movie and how it is NOT the feel-good family Christmas movie they have been promoting it to be. Gino, the resident movie critic, was like, families are going to take their kids to see this movie and are going to walk out so depressed. At first they danced around why, but eventually just came right out and said [SPOILER ALERT] the dog dies at the end! And his big point was, it's not just like, they take the dog to the vet and come back alone, the last fifteen minutes of the movie is all about the dog dying! And not like I demand the movie we see on christmas is some LOL-fest or heartwarming story, but on the other hand, I don't really want to watch a dog die and bawl my eyes out either.

[Aside: I used to be able to remember every family Christmas movie we had ever seen. The first year we instituted this tradition we saw One Fine Day, that silly rom-com with Michelle Pfieffer and George Clooney. Christmas is usually the one time of year the three girls in our family can actually overrule Coach and drag him to stupid movies like that. I just checked the IMDB, and that movie came out in 1996, so when I was a freshman in college. Weird, it seems like we have been doing it a lot longer than that, but I guess not. Other Christmas movies I remember include As Good As It Gets, Patch Adams (which I chose cause it was filmed at UNC and sucked really hard and was a total downer so I don't really have a leg to stand on with this whole no sad movies on Xmas deal), Any Given Sunday (Coach won that year), and Cast Away.]

So when I told my mom I didn't want to see a movie about a dog dying her response was, it's about life! (My mom and Jenn both read the book and thought it was the bee's knees). So whatevs. I really wanted to see Slumdog Millionaire but knew there was little to not a damn chance in hell that I would ever convince my family (besides my mom, who is actually really cool about movies) to see a foreign movie that included subtitles. This did not stop me from guilting my mom by constantly referring to the Slumdog ad we had seen on TV that had said, "you will leave the theater wanting to dance and shout hurrah" (or something like that) and asking "would you rather dance out of the theater or crawl out sobbing?" She remained unconvinced and committed to Marley and Me.

Soooo, on Christmas day, my mom checked the movie listings and determined that M&M (ha) was playing at 405 and 645. J&E arrived, we had meat pies for lunch, opened presents, had a merry old time, and were not paying attention to the clock. At about 340 Coach says, when are we going to this movie? And we were all like, well, it's too late to catch the 405, so I guess 645. Coach was not having that (probably because the thought of being out later than 8pm frightened him) so he demanded that we all get ready and leave for the 405 show immediatly. The rest of us knew this was ridiculous, but we did it anyway. In the car on the way there, my mom is like panicking, saying, well let's come up with a plan B in case we do not get in to M&M, and I was like, let's just see what happens and if we need to we will see what's playing next and figure it out, anything will be better than M&M.

So, we arrive at the theater at 405, and let me shock everyone reading this entry - M&M was sold out! (I actually was kind of shocked by this, I guess all that family marketing paid off, and I hope a lot of small children have nightmares about it and Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston get egged on the street everywhere they go from now on. Also, the only other film sold out was that weird Nazi one with Tom Cruise, that was truly shocking, wtf) After my sister accused me of making the movie sell out with my "bad mojo", we were forced to pick another movie, with our choices, based on what was started in the next 20 minutes, were Benjamin Button and Yes Man. BB did not go over well, for the same reasons SM would not fly, so let's just go see YM, it will be fine. And in response to Coach asking, what is it about, I said "it's got Jim Carrey, it's a comedy" and then he went, but no, what's it about, so I said "It's got Jim Carrey, it's a comedy, THAT IS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW, there is no plot."

So we saw YM. Let me tell you a crazy story first about this person sitting behind us, and then I swear I will actually tell you what I thought about the movie. So there was like this youngish gal behind us with her family - late teens early 20s? - and the first preview was for Dance Movie. If you have not heard about this, it's basically another in the long line of dumb dumb dumb parody movies ala Scary Movie. THIS ONE IS ABOUT DANCE. I tried to find the trailer online so you could watch it and truly experience the horror of it all, but I could not, so be thankful. Anyway, let me tell you the first "joke" in this trailer and I think we will be on the same page. There is this dancing pregnant woman, who proceeds to pop out her baby on the dance floor. This CGI baby slides across the floor and then starts breakdancing and striking hip hop poses. IT WAS AWFUL. But this girl behind us thought it was high-fucking-larious. She laughed at every damn "joke" in the trailer. I was seriously concerned for her. Also, every time she would laugh, as soon as she would stop she would like explain herself to the person sitting next to her, like this:

awful horrible insanely bad "joke"/stupid parody moment in trailer
loud, horse-like laughter
girl says "that was funny"

What. the. mutha. eff. First of all, none of this stuff was even remotely funny. Second, yea, we all guessed you thought it was funny by that sound that emitted from you that resembled laughter. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. This girl continued to do this throughout the whole movie! I will give her that some of what she laughed at in the actual movie was funny, but she needed to get a grip.

Ok, so Yes Man. This movie was ok. I mean, just like I explained to my dad, it had Jim Carrey, it was a comedy, end of story, I think we can all get the gist from there. It had a lot of funny moments, it had the lovely Zooey Deschanel singing (!) and wearing a delightful coat which I want to fly to Hollywood and steal from the movie studio's wardrobe department, it had Murray from "Flight of the Conchords" acting totally insane and being the funniest thing in the movie, and it was not depressing in any way shape or form. All in all, a good Christmas movie for the Race clan.

Tonight we are going to the botanical gardens here in Green Bay to see some sort of light display. Apparently you can walk the mile path or take a carriage ride. Um, I vote carriage ride. I am going to freeze my buns off, but oh well, it will be better than seeing Marley and Me. Rim shot!

If You Consider it a Christmas Song...

Then add "Christmas and Me Are Through" by Your Vegas to the short list of Christmas songs I actually like. Click the link to download, I promise you will not be disappointed. I am currently in the middle of my 5th listen in a row.

Another reason to love Paul's club

Not only do they make the most awesome gimlet, they make an ab fab
bloody mary with guiness. I am being changed as we speak.

Somebody please explain to me

What the purpose of The Bad Girls Club on oxygen is? I keep seeing
commercials for it, even on other networks, and it looks like the
whole idea of the show is to get a bunch of crazy girls together who
will physically fight each other and act like total fools. That
doesn't seem like a very cool idea to me.

Also, I have been watching who wants to be millionaire reruns on the
game show network, and it makes me physically uncomfortable when
people don't know easy questions! I just had to turn it off cause some
goofball used all his lifelines before he even got to 32 thousand.

We're gonna need a montage

If I was directing a romantic comedy, the falling in love montage
would be set to "Slide" by the Goo Goo Dolls.

I have such an irrational love for that song.

People on My List

So, I have my monthly massage at 615 (yes, I get monthly massages and
they. Are. Awesome.). I was planning on staying at work until I had to
leave, but then a co-worker needed me to jump their car in the parking
garage, so after Honky saved the day I just left for my appt and am
now sitting outside my massage place 15 mins early, so I decided to
write a blog about people who are currently on my list (cue ominous
music).

1) the new York yankees.
The Yankees are ALWAYS on the list, but even more so now cause they
are trying to tempt my dear CC away. Hands off Yankees!

2) whoever greenlit a sex and the city sequel
No, just no. The movie ended everything so perfectly, what more can
they do? Plus I don't want to see Charlotte's whore daughter ever
again, she's just evil.

3) anyone who took a picture of me dancing this past weekend
You know who you are.

4) kenley
Kenley was off the list cause I needed to let go and let god (I didn't
actually let god, I just like to use that phrase in an ironic manner
cause I am a heathen) but then this morning Tim gunn (!!!) was on the
radio and he was talking about how much more awful kenley was in real
life and she went right. Back. On. The. List. Ugh, she's the worst.

That's all I have time for right now, but believe me, this list is far
from exhaustive.

LOVE

Cum receptacle is my new fave saying. I bet Jaime really is a crusty whore.

via Passive Aggressive Notes

Observation

I just looked at myself in the mirror and thought, these pants make my
butt look huge and then I realized, I just have a big butt.

Something That Brings a Smile to My Face

This is what I see every time I go to the login screen for Westlaw (a legal research site for all of you NON-lawyers reading this.) And, of course, it makes me think of the most famous pirate lawyer evah, Chareth Cutestory.

I used to love the slimosine

But now we are mortal enemies

I used to love Geoff Jenkins

But now he is my mortal enemy.

Dear blogosphere

Hell-woah all. I am at the brewers game and it's awesome. EXCEPT for
the weird woman in front of us who is breast feeding her baby, WHILE
drinking a beer. All righty then.

Hey Kenley

Go suck a big fat dick.

I Hope I Never Actually Get Chained to a Bunk Bed with a Velociraptor

I could survive for 35 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor

Don't Just Stand There

I have not heard "Bust a Move" in a very long time, and that makes me sad.  Your best friend Larry, has a cousin Barry, in five days from now he's gonna marry.

We are in dangerous territory

So, today is my firm's golf outing, and since I do not golf, (save for
the miniature variety) I have been placed out near one of the holes
with beverages to pass out. Including delicious miller products. snd
opaque cups so that no one can tell what I am drinking. I will be out
here for 4 hours, with nothing else to do but sit and talk to the
groups that come through once every 5 minutes. Anyone reading this
blog knows me well enough to know this has the possibility of being
very dangerous.

For the record, however, I will not be having my first drink until
AFTER I participate in a status conference with a court by phone at
845. I do not want anyone to think they need to write a dear board of
bar examiners letter about me.

The main girl on 90210

The one who is suppose to be 16 and totally hot? Looks more like 61
and is totally fug! It bothers me! And her boyfriend is a fugster too!
What the hell?

Friday at 5 PM

I Heart This Picture

There are so many things to love about this picture. The look on my face that screams "I am mentally challenged, but one of those lovable mentally challenged people they make feel good hallmark movies about", the look on the granny's face behind us that screams "what kind of shenanigans are these hooligans up to", Leslie's perfect placement of the bunny ears despite the difficult angle from which she attacked, and the half lids David is sporting which say "I am drunk first, and Asian second."

What. The. Eff.

I would not risk my entire political career to bump uglies with this Hot Tranny Mess.

Project Runway Questions

Is Blayne trying to act special needs? Cause, seriously, I think he
has fetal alcohol syndrome.

What is up with Jerrel's clothes? Did he survive a bear attack or what?

Can they just eliminate Stella based on her choice of fabric? Cause,
black satin, what. The. Mother. Fuck.

Will Daniel be my new bff? That putt putt joke touched my heart.

Are Jennifer and Leanne the same person? Has anyone ever seen them in
the same frame? !!!

No, people, for real, can we just send Stella home mid-episode?

Could I hate Kenley and her fake ass flower more?

I refuse to believe that blayne does not know Sgt. Pepper. There is no
question here, I just hate blayne with a passion I cannot explain.

Is jerrel making an ascot? Don't get me wrong, I heart a nice ascot,
but not this one.

When did Joe turn into such a fricking baby? And if he's going to be
angry, get angry, stop babbling about paying attention.

Did suede just win back more points with me by saying whackadoodle?
Why yes, he did.

Do you think Stella ever cocks her head and pokes herself with the
stupid effing steel spikes embedded in her collar? I hope so.

Is it just me or does Terri's outfit looks like a bloody growth on her
model's neck?

When did big nasty collars come into style?

How does Stella make it through every time? She made a black outfit.
BLACK. Are you kidding me?

Shut up Jennifer, your outfit is not for the Olympics. Are you serious
with this shit?

Joe, how did such a big whiner make such an awesome outfit?

Is the republic of cocktailland a real place? How do I book a ticket
to get there?

Jerrel, were you aiming for hot mess? Just wondering.

Is this a joke? How did korto win over Joe and Terri? What about a
white pantsuit screams Olympics?

Could I care less about whether Daniel or Jennifer goes home?

Final thoughts: for realsies people, Joe and Terri were the bomb
tonight. I do not get korto. I continue to hate Stella and blayne but
at least blayne doesn't design outfits that make me want to hang
myself with a leather strap. Smell ya later Jennifer, was that your
name?

It's Another Video

In celebration of Pineapple Express opening this week, here is one of my fave videos of all time. "What's your cause, not sniffing jackets?" I don't know why that kills me, but it does.

See more James Franco videos at Funny or Die

Let's Talk About Project Runway

I fear this post is going to be all hate, cause honestly, there is not much about this season that I am excited about right now. Off the top of my head I can name one designer that I really love, Kelli, and even then I can't remember anything she has done since the first challenge. But that dress was so lovely...

Ok, now that I am looking at it again, only the skirt was really lovely, but it was so creative how she did it, and stood out so much considering nearly everyone else used a. fucking. tablecloth. as their material. People, please. I could cut up a tablecloth and sew it back together, ok? Get creative.

Speaking of shit I could do, how in the name of the big guy in the sky is Stella still around. Her outfit in the first challenge was made of trash bags. TRASH BAGS. and it fricking looked like it too! So ugly. I know that weird gaysian dude made an ugly serial killer outfit, but Stella literally made TRASH. ugh, it still infuriates me! and her next two outfits have not been any better. I swear to Christ I almost wet myself when she was in the top the next challenge. Her slutty tied up the side dress made from one solid color fabric was LAME. Oh, and also? It was SLUTTY. Oh, and also? One shoulder dresses are fucking out! Even I know that. I think Tim even said it LAST YEAR on PR. Seriously.








As further evidence, here's here barf-tastic creation from last week. Are you kidding me? I guess she took the "New York at Night" challenge to mean hey, make an outfit for a hooker. How has she not been called out as one-note yet? She's this year's Rami, except instead of making beautiful draped dresses she makes ugly tramp wear. I am sorry this post is coming off as so angry, but I think she's seriously awful. The worst part about it is that she like, acknowledges what a uncreative mess she is and relishes it. She's always going on and on about how she just wants to do leather, "I do leather", "I work with leather". O-fucking-kay. We get it. Have you seen the show before? You don't just get to work with leather the whole time, so get the eff over it, show some skill and do something besides your usual shite.

Moving on, let me just say that Blayne is awfulicious. And barfilicious. And ridiculicious. (I actually like that last one and may start using it.) And don't get me started on Suede. Kari does not like Suede, but Suede built up much love with Kari with his fabulous creation in the second challenge, (which I tried to upload but blogger suddenly got fussy, so just remember how fabulous it was on your own), and so Kari is cutting Suede some slack for the time being. But Suede needs to look into pronouns.

That's all my Project Runway thoughts for the time being. If Stella sticks around much longer I swear I will lose my shit.

Dear blog

Tonight was a hot tranny mess.

Sorry, but here's another video

I know all I have been posting lately are videos, but the last two were too precious to keep to myself, and now there's this... it's plain genius, and makes me rethink every episode of Full House I ever watched.

My New Favorite Commerical of All Time

He's so earnest when he says the last lines. It slays me.

OMG, I laughed so hard

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

My friend APC

Thinks Atlantic city is in Georgia and formaldahyde is something you
put on your teeth.

Riding the bus with my sister

This entry is the wrap up of the story of my exhausting weekend, not a
review of the awesome TV movie "riding the bus with my sister"
starring Rosie O'Donnell as a special needs woman who rides the bus
around all day and has sex with a hot special needs guy, shops for a
toilet seat, and encourages her tight ass sister andie McDowell to
live life to its fullest or some shit like that. After all that
buildup I bet you wish this entry was about that movie, sorry.

So, Saturday I went to this bbq where I got entirely too tipsy on bud
light limes and some secret potion the hostess made which tasted like
liquid candy. Yummers. I also ate way too much meat and got rained on
several times. Then Stacey and juanna went back to juanna's place and
I started a career on guitar hero but was so out of practice I
couldn't get past that fucking first level poison song. I blame Bret
michaels and his skanky ass weave, I can't hear poison anymore without
involuntarily gagging at the thought of him. (speaking of skanky ass
weaves, I am soooo glad that freak Susie went home on SYTYCD. But
marquis was robbed, both thayne and Chris have the personality and
looks of a ken doll. Barf.)

So then on Sunday, Stacey, juanna and I had tickets to the brewers
game, and we decided to take advantage of the zim's shuttle instead of
driving all the way over to the stadium and taking the shuttle from
sob's. (this also worked out in my favor because it meant I could have
a delicious bloody mary. As regular readers of my blog will remember,
the sob bloody mary is a hot tranny pickle juice mess.) I did partake
of not onw, but two amazing bloody marys, and as noted here, zim's is
my new fave place to enjoy a tasty bloody. And the ride to miller
park on the shuttle was lovely, it was not crowded, and we had a mini
dance party to one of my fave new songs, damaged by danity Kane. (do
you have a first aid kit??)

The game was good too. Prince hit two home runs, my bestie Corey hart
hit another, and the large gaggle of chaches that usually have the
seats next to us were less of a gaggle and less chachy overall. The
guy sitting next to me was downright friendly, and kept making
predictions about what would happen next. He called prince's first
homer and I began to wonder if he had come from the future to net on
sporting events like Biff from BTTF II. I also overheard the girl next
to him talking about how she had been named entertainer of the month
at her job. My inkling that she may be a stripper was confirmed when
she started telling stories about the champagne room. I quit listening
at that point, I got my fill of the champagne on my visit to boxers
and briefs. (jk! Roflmao!)

Sadly, the good times would not continue. Right after the game ended
it began to rain. Normally this would not be such a bfd, cause sob
runs two shuttles and you usually don't have to wait more than 5
minutes at the most. One of the reasons we decided to take the zim's
shuttle is cause literally every time we have walked out at the end of
a game the zim's shuttle has been sitting there waiting. It makes
sense since they only one shuttle and it's a 15 min ride back to the
eastside they should be there at the end of the game to collect
everybody, otherwise people will be stuck waiting. Well, in case you
are a moron who has not figured out where this story is going, the
zim's shuttle was not there. The rain wasn't that bad at first, and I
had huddled up against this mini bus that was parked with no one in it
and was not even getting that wet. Then it began to POUR. And the bus
driver arrived and I had to move. At that point, it was raining so
hard I couldn't open my eyes cause I was afraid my contacts would wash
out, seriously people, serious.

I had my brewers jacket, so at least my shirt was semi dry underneath,
but Anna was just soaked. She was wearing an light green skirt
(because we had made fun of her for wearing jeans to the tailgate last
week and the bbq on Saturday. Bet she regrets caving to peer pressure
now) and it got so wet it looked like a dark olive color. We finally
decided to just get on the next shuttle that came and take a cab to
zim's from wherever we ended up. Strangely enough, that shuttle was
from sob. We are destined to be one with sob 4evah I guess. We
eventually got a cab and made it back to zim's and when I got home I
put on flannel pjs, collapsed in front of the TV, and watched speed on
some random movie channel. Which is one of those movies you forget is
actually really good. And it reminded me of how I saw it on the day it
opened way back when with an old friend I have not thought of in
forever. Which was a good thing. (the remembering was a good thing, not the forgetting.) Shout out to Jerry, wherever you are.

In other news, I love when I forget I ordered something online and I
get home and there is a package waiting for me, word.

Blogging from the bus

So, even though I just took Frosty ( my car) in to get fixed 2 weeks
ago, I had to take it in again this morning. The guy was not
optimistic they would find the problem since nothing is happening on a
regular basis, there have just been like 5 different problems that
have happened one time, including last weekend when going 30 mph down
lake drive my car just stopped and I had to use all my might to turn
my wheel to the right and coast into the parking lane.

Anyway, I am exhausted from this weekend. On Friday, our softball game
(Stacey and I play on a co-ed softball team in tosa. I am awful, end
of story) was not until 830, so stacey and I planned on going to night
owl bingo at 11, but we didn't give ourselves enough time to deal with
brewers traffic and ended up 5 minutes late. And apparently they close
the sales booth right at 11. We ended up wandering around the casino,
cause the new expansion is open and it's huge and there were several
new games to check out. Eventually I played blackjack and won 30
bucks, so the trip was not a complete bust. The weird thing about the
casino now is that I used to think the employees were kind of cracked
out in general, well think about the fact they had to hire like a
shitload of people to man these new games and the bar gets set even
lower. I bailed on my blackjack table when a new dealer came on and
Stacey whispered to me, "no, seriously, that girl is a straight up
crackhead." that and the fact she was wearing a scruchie and had bangs
made me lose confidence in her abilities.

Ok, I am already near my stop. Wow, time flies when you are blogging
on the bus. I will continue the riveting tale of my weekend on the
ride home this evening.

ATTENTION

Zim's has officially taken the lead in the best bloody mary in
Milwaukee race. It's delicioso and it comes with a beef stick.

Woo hoo!

Jeremy and I bought tickets to tonight's game from this awesome
chowdah head named Jimmy we met at Charlie's kitchen! I am so excited!
More later on how awesome our seats are.

Update on Charlie's kitchen

I went to the bathroom and it is hands down the creepiest bathroom I
have ever been in (the bathroom I got "banned" from at JJ's in st.
Louis is a close second) and then when I got back Juan told me the
last time he was here he walked into the bathroom and someone was
doing coke, OFF THE TOILET. Information that would have been helpful
befor I decided to use it.

Yum, bloody mary

If you are looking for a good bloody mary near harr-varrd, I recommend
Charlie's kitchen. Lovely, but I made a mistake with the choice of
ipswich as my chaser.

I am going to form a band

And call it Defensive Indifference.

WORD

Boxers and briefs

When you go to an all male strip club you do not want to see a
stripper that looks like mclovin.

I Made Another Mixtape

An 80s one, so I can listen to it all week at work to get excited for the party of the year this weekend. Wooooooooooooooooooooo. It starts off with an Eddie triple play. GNARLY.

Check this shit.

Picture Wrap Up of Yesterday

Here is a group shot of us starting off the day. You will notice that Juan and I are totally twinsies, we have the same jersey (although his is blank and mine has Braun on it) and the same Brewers jacket. If we were standing next to each other I bet you couldn't even tell who was who.



Here is a pic of me and Stacey. She told me to get over myself this morning when I was talking about how awesome I look in it, but seriously people, good pictures of me are as rare as Halley's comet, so I have a right to get excited about them. Also, in this pic you can see the grody Steve's on Bluemound bloody mary and my coke nail. Later in the day some random woman told us where we could get actual cocaine. Wisely, we declined to pursue this.


Here is Juan pouring beer from the pitcher into his beer bottle. Random things like this are really exciting when you are drinking at 10 in the morning.






This a new addition to Miller Park this year, a statue of a cow in uniform. So fucking surreal and so fucking awesome.

All in all, a lovely opening day. I ate so much fried food thoughI feel super disgusting this morning. And we are going to a bar this evening to watch the final four games, so more drinking and fried food will be had I am sure AND tomorrow we are going to the Brewers game again. What a weekend.

The end to a long day

I feel barfy.

It is only 9 PM

But I swear it feels like 3 in the morning. Now we we're at juanna's
getting ready to play guitar hero! Word

There is a man passed out on the street

Outside steve's' wtf??? And another man is bleeding profusely from the
nose. I am seriously going to barf. SERIOUSLY

We are leaving

Jason is telling this crazy ass story about some guy peeing in the
corner of the bathroom. I am so confused.

I have the hiccups

In the past 20 minutes we have confronted a cop and an asshole and
have made it out alive. Boo yah

Bill hall just hit another hom run!!!

Awesome

It is now 5-0 brewers

If they lose I will beat people.

It is now 5-0 brewers

If they lose I will beat people.

Here is your guest blogger Stacey

Stay lo here.

So its opening day and its awesome per usual. But there is this guy
two rows in front of us wearindg a mock turtleneck. And he is our age.
This is not normal. But he did put on his sunglasses for Corey hart so
he Isn't bad, just misguided.

Sausage race

For the first sausage race of the the year I am going with hot dog.
Stay tuned for guest blogger...

So weird

So Stacey, Anna and I were speculating about gabe kapler, the new
brewers center fielder, like how old he is, etc. And all of the sudden
this guy in front of us turns around and says "he was on the cover of
men's health and he was ripped." o.k....

I am double fisting

I have a bloody mary in one hand and a bud light in the other. And
it's only the 3rd inning. I am in trouble..

Now we are in the bathroom line

It is so long! Not cool, but there is beer when we are done so I guess it ok.

America, fuck yea!

Bill hall just hit a 2 run homer, oh yes!

Stolen base

Rickie weeks just stole a base, boo yah! I love baseball!

We are in the park

I have 3 brewers towels and 5 magnetic schedules. Ushers should pay
better attention

We are on the bus!

Exciting! I love riding buses with drunk people.

Miller park or bust

Where is the brew crewzer???

It is so nice out today

Baby Jesus is smiling on us!

Words of wisdom

Anna just said, today is a marathon, not a sprint. Woo!!

I just punched Stacey in the face

She pretended she was mad but whatever.

The rolling stones

Right now "miss you" by the rolling stones is playing in Steve's. It
makes me feel crazy.

I am so hot

Seriously, I just looked at a picture Stacey took of me. This is why i'm hot

Food has been ordered!

Steve's is playing er on the TV and it's annoying.

Just got a call from Jason

I miss him! Opening day feels empty and sad without him.

Stacey and I are fighting

She keeps bringing up all these things she claims she told me, but I
don't remember. I was probably totally drunk at the time, shocking.
Anyways, becair we are HLP I will forgive her.

Thank god

Steve's is starting to serve food. I need some grease in my belly to
soak up this alcohol.

Anna did it too!

Anna just poured beer from the pitcher into her bottle too! I love
awesome things and I already feel slightly tipsy, woooooo.

Juan!

Juan just poured beer from the pitcher into his beer bottle! It was
awesome. Picture to be added later.

For my own future reference

I always forget I hate the bloody Marys at Steve's on bluemound, they
taste like pickle juice with a splash of tomato. So gross, but I
always order one and then realize it after I take the first sip.

[in case you have not noticed I will be posting missives all day to
chronicle opening day adventures.]

It's good to have goals

Last year at opening day I got called a see you next Tuesday by two
different people. Let's see if this year I can get into even more
trouble! Boo yah.

Just for Joe

I made a mixtape!

Other people can listen to it as well. It's not perfect at all, I had to download a program to convert my stupid apple ecrypted songs to mp3s and got kind of sick of that after awhile so ending up not selecting the 12 best songs I am really into at this moment but rather 12 songs that I could live with putting on a mixtape right at this moment. Whatever.

really random "it's 11 at night and I want to go to bed" thoughts about the songs... follow along as you listen! i went for a sort of block format, it starts off electronic/dance-y, moves into retro, and ends up slower.
1. christine plays this at spin class and it makes me move my feet. i love the stuttering part, c-c-c-cold.
2. i have never had heroin or cocaine in my veins, but i still dig this song.
3. every time i hear this song i am like, yea, he's got love for me, and then i remember i was not born in the 80s.
4. one of my top 5 all time fave songs.
5. heard it once on six feet under and have loved it ever since.
6. i love the tambourine. if i had a band every song would have tambourine in it.
7. i want my two dollars!
8. she opened for new pornographers when i saw them last fall. i don't really understand what she is saying but i sort of half sing/half hum along.
9. a voice like thom yorke, piano like tori amos. nice.
10. just beautiful. the last verse kills me.
11. a song to fall asleep to.

15 Word Movie Review: 27 Dresses

The only good thing about this movie was James Marsden. Also, I now
hate marriage.

This Movie Looks Flipping Awesome

I tried to embed the trailer for The Pineapple Express here but it didn't work, so just go here and watch it.

I know my posts have been pretty light on content in the past couple months and there's a lot of cutting, pasting, and linking. Deal with it. I'll write something substantive soon. Or not.

This One is for Leslie

From an entry on Best Week Ever titled "How I Viewed the World in 9th Grade"...

I almost shat myself.

Oh Swayze, Part the Third

The Swayzinator's publicist confirmed he has pancreatic cancer. I will be sending him mental hugs. I'll never forget him in that Chippendale's SNL sketch.

Oh, Swayze Part Deux

Swayze also makes handsome faces.

Oh, Swayze

I laughed so hard at this post from bestweekever.tv I had to link it here...

Top 20 stupid faces made by Patrick Swayze in Ghost

My faves are 12 and 3.


If the rumors about him having cancer are true I will cry a thousand tears.

Do You Like Books?

Cause I do. And when I was younger I loved books more than most things in life. Seriously. I have no idea how I ever got addicted to TV, cause I used to choose books over TV every day of the week and twice on Sundays. Anyway, if you like books, you should consider passing that love on to kids in need through this awesome charity drive known as the Dewey Donation System. I know, who knew I had a heart? But I do, and the Dewey Donation program is one of my favorite things of the year. If you can go read the story linked above of how Dewey started and all the good it has done over the years and not want to donate then you have a cold, dead heart. (Just kidding, but seriously, come on.)

I Know I am Going Straight to Hell

Dudes! Because I sat around my apartment all day yesterday and did nothing but watch all the shows I had saved on my DVR, I eventually ran out of saved shows and was forced to watch actual live tv later in the evening. At one point, I was watching some Oscar moment countdown thingee on VH1 and putting the tv on mute during the commericals so I could read this great book I got from the library, "God Save the Fan." Ok, so at one point, I looked up, and suddenly was confronted with the image at 0:16 in the above clip. Needless to say, I thought to myself, what.the.ever.loving.fuck is going on, and thank god for DVR, rewound it so I could watch the whole commercial and confirm the baby was not, in fact, trying to hump his teddy bear. Well, kids, after several more viewings, I am not convinced. They are trying to pass this off as an innocent playtime activity, like what kid hasn't randomly tackled a stuffed animal and started randomly "wrestling" it? And by wrestling I mean totally dry humping. I'm onto you Luvs diapers, you're not actually trying to sell these diapers to families, this is just a coded message to that strange segment of the population that has managed to combine a diaper fetish with their furry activities, RIGHT?

Edited to add: Also, how annoying is it that they have taken "All You Need is Love" and used it as a jingle for Luvs. Gross.

Barf

Britney Spears has the exact same phone as me! This makes me want to throw it in the toilet.

Do it for Riggins

Weird fact I realized as I was driving to the bay of green yesterday

I still know, and can sing along with, all the lyrics to the humpty
dance. I wish I had retained other talents I had in 5th grade, like
doing basic math.

Don't do heroin.

Ok, so I left work early today and went to urgent care. [don't ask] so
I turn the radio on in my car and 102.1 apparently has this a to z
weekday thing, they were on h, so I don't know if they started at
some point and just keep going and going every day, but anyway, (not
anyways, cause Dave says that's not a word) the first song I heard
was heart shaped box by nirvana and I went into this whole reverie
about nirvana and how nevermind was such a great album (OBVIOUSLY) but
how I don't think I ever even owned their second one, the one heart
shaped box is on. But even as I am typing this I am not sure if that
is true, or did they have a third album??? So many questions. And
that started me thinking about if I was just really flaky in 7th
grade, I mean I was really flaky about a lot of things in 7th grade
but I thought I was pretty set in my ways about music, but was I flaky
enough to like nirvana's one album and not care about the second? Or
did their second album just come out way after nevermind? Ugh, I am
going to stop rambling about this, but these are the thoughts I think.

So then, the next song was heartspark dollar sign by everclear off
their kick ass first album. And I loved that album senior year in high
school, and I actually stuck with them all the way through when they
released those 2 concept albums at the same time that had some good
songs but overall kind of sucked. And had American flags on the cover,
which I have decided is not cool, even in an ironic fashion.

So THEN, after I came out of urgent care, what was on the radio?
Heroin girl off of the same awesome everclear album. And I remembered
how it is seriously one of my fave songs ever and then I started
thinking about how they are so many fantastic songs in this world that
sometimes I even forget about my favorites, and tonight I am totally
pulling out that CD and bringing it to work.

Ok, so after the song ended the DJ starts going on this crazy rant
about how you shouldn't do heroin and it was so random and just
fucking weird. Like, first of all, no shit sherlock, you shouldn't do
heroin. But also, that's what that whole song is about, even that
whole album has shades of it, how the heroin lifestyle sucks and you
die and stuff. I don't need your anti heroin rant, not like I am pro
heroin, or thinking about picking up a pipe any time soon (cause also,
after watching the first ep of celebrity rehab no way Jose) but it's a
little condescending to hear the DJ from 102.1 (I don't even know
their cool station name) lecture me about it. And even though I am a
nerd for lists and an a to z workday is right up my alley, I don't
know if I can give up the brew if I'm in for more hugs not drugs talk.

I typed nearly all of that while I was waiting at the pharmacy, (which explains the no capitals and weird punctuation) and
now I am going to lay in bed reading depo transcripts for the rest of
the night. Envy me.

My Year in Movies...

Apparently really sucked. I went through a list of the movies released this year to refresh my memory and help me come up with a year end best list, and dudes, I only saw about 40 movies that came out this year. And the list I was using was weird and included what I think were a lot of direct to dvd movies. How is this even possible? I guess I spent a lot of time watching tv? Or old movies? Plus, most of them were really sucky movies I didn't really want to see but got from the library. So weird. Anyways, here's Kari's wrap up of the movies of 2007.

Movies I really wanted to see for some strange reason [who am I kidding, it was because Jason Bateman was in them] but then heard bad reviews of so only ended up watching when I got them from the library:

Smokin' Aces. I also wanted to see this one because I still have a strange affection for Ben Affleck after all these years. He will never burn up the goodwill he built with me by being in Mallrats and Chasing Amy, no matter how many Giglis he punishes the world with.
The Kingdom. I actually really liked this one. And Jason Bateman has a killer action scene that was totally hot.

Movie which not even Jason Bateman's presence could make me want to see:

That Mr. Magorium or whatever movie. Plus it had Portman in it. NEVER.

Movies which I didn't really want to see at all and only watched cause I got them from the library and then they turned out to be just as bad as I thought and I hated myself for not trusting my instincts:

The Number 23. Felt like it was 23 hours long.
Premonition. I used to like Sandra Bullock, but I think it's creepy how she has looked exactly the same since she became a star, like, I think she sold her soul to the devil or something. For real. But I guess if she really did she would be in better movies, so never mind.
Reign Over Me. Here's what I wrote about it on facebook, "I'm pretty sure you can't cure mental illness just by moving apartments and eating pizza with a psycho chick who offered to blow your best friend." I mean, people, this movie actually implied that you could. WTF.
Perfect Stranger. Just godawful, made me want to punch babies.
In the Land of Women. Read all about it here. I don't want to get into it again to save my sanity.
Mr. Brooks. I don't even know what to say. The only reason I kept watching was because I was folding like ten loads of laundry. I also feel about Dane Cook like Kramer did about Mary Hart in that one Seinfeld ep, the sound of his voice makes me feel like I might have a seizure at any moment. Also, Demi Moore definetly sold her soul to the devil. She looks about 25. Maybe Ashton's jizz has magical qualities. I have said way too much about this movie.
Death Proof. Man, I wanted to see Grindhouse so bad when it was in the theater and never got around to it. I have heard Rodriguez's half was better, but I probably would have walked out on this half. I made it about an hour in and nothing had happened yet so I gave up.

Movies that were so bad that even though they starred men whose babies I want to have I couldn't finish watching them:

The Ex. Bateman again. And Zach Braff, who I used to really dig but now I believe all those stories about him being a big douche and it hurts my heart. But my god, who wrote this movie? So craptacular, just... ugh.
License to Wed. Y'all, if I stop watching a movie even though it stars John Krasinki, you know that is some bad shit right there.
The Last Mimzy. I don't really want to have Rainn Wilson's babies per se, but I want him to come over and hang out with me and John and our babies, so I was pretty upset when I had to turn this off cause all the kids in it looked like children of the corn.
1408. I finished it, but only after fast forwarding through half an hour of John Cusack doing dumb shit. Between this and Must Love Dogs he is really sinking fast. Come back to me Johnny.

Movies I got from the library or Netflix that were actually not complete wastes of time:

Reno! 911:Miami. This one wasn't as good as I wanted it to be, but there were some lol moments, and it had Paul Rudd in this really weird cameo that still makes me smile thinking about it.
Shooter. I'm still totally in love with Marky Mark since he rocked The Departed last year. This movie would have been pretty lame without him I think, but he totally sold me on it.
The Invisible. Eh. It had a cool soundtrack and that kid from Joan of Arcadia I thought was the bee's knees a couple years ago.
Waitress. Super cute, and Keri Russell was so good!
The Lookout. A really underrated and overlooked old-fashioned crime movie. Who would of thunk the kid from that stupid show about aliens was such a good actor, seriously.
Slow Burn. Ray Liotta's still got it, shockingly.
Disturbia. Are they going to start ripping off all old Hitchcock movies for teens? But it wasn't bad, and David Morse is so effing creepy.
Hot Fuzz. Not as good as Shaun of the Dead, but I don't imagine they'll ever top that.
Blades of Glory. Only cause Will Ferrell makes me laugh just by like, doing stuff.

Movie I saw in the theater because it was the only thing me and my four female relatives could agree on the weekend they all came to visit for my mom's birthday:

Catch and Release. I'm a sucker for rom-coms, even bad formulaic ones where you know exactly what is going to happen from the first scene and every single cliche you think is coming does. And this movie was "that movie" to a t, but I still didn't mind it.

Movies I actually saw in the theater and really enjoyed:

Music and Lyrics. Dude, I just told you I am a sucker for bad rom-coms, so good ones totally like rule. And good ones starring Hugh Grant are the bestest thing evah.
Breach. Super suspenseful, about the CIA agent who sold secrets to Russia for years. I liked it, but I kind of wish there was more about why he was so screwed up. It prompted me to get a book about him from the library, but the book sucked.
Fracture. I just read this article where someone said something akin to you can always tell Ryan Gosling is "acting", like you can see the gears grinding whenever he's on screen. I can't decide if I agree or not. He was perfect in Half Nelson, so I guess he's due a few showy roles like this one where he had a bad southern accent and got to chew scenery with Anthony Hopkins. But it held my attention for two hours and I didn't figure out the big twist until it happened, so it's ok in my book.
Spiderman 3. Sue me, I liked it.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Even though I think the middle books (4, 5) weren't as good as the third, the movies just keep getting better.
Lars and the Real Girl. Read all about it here, but if you're a pussy like Joe, watch out for the spoiler. [j/k Joe, roflmao, bff!]
American Gangster. I liked this when I first saw it, and it didn't seem like 2.5 hours long, but the more I have thought about it in retrospect the less I am impressed by it. I still think it was good, but I just realized today that The Wire has ruined me for any other drug story ever told. I am serious, thinking about the depth and intelligence with which The Wire has painted the modern tale of drugs in America makes any other movie or tv show that even attempts to portray it seem childish in comparison.
National Treasure: The Book of Secrets. Good despite Nick Cage's busted face.

Worst movie of this and possibly many years to come:

Because I Said So. I can't explain to you how much I hated this movie. Next time you see me ask about it and I will punch you in face, this will be a start to your journey of understanding as to how much it sucked.

Movies I can't believe I have not seen yet and which I will probably like when I do:

Michael Clayton.
Live Free and Die Hard.
Hairspray.
The Namesake.
28 Weeks Later.
Ocean's Thirteen.
Rescue Dawn.
Hairspray.
Into the Wild.
The Darjeeling Limited. [seriously, how have I not seen this?]
Before the Devil Knows You're Dead.
No Country for Old Men.
Enchanted.
I am Legend.
Walk Hard.

My favorite 8 movies of the year:

Zodiac. I really like David Fincher and am glad to have him back after a long absence. Every performance in this movie was just great, but I loved Robert Downey, Jr. in particular. The movie captured the fear of that time so well I literally had trouble sleeping for a week after I saw it. It still creeps me out to think of certain parts and I haven't brought myself to watch it again yet. When the special edition DVD comes out soon though, I am totally there.
Once. So beautiful. A testament to how music is truly the fabric that weaves all of our lives together.
Knocked Up. The birth scene was a bit too much, (there was this guy all by himself in the showing I went to with Leslie and Stacey, and he literally shrieked in pain every time they showed the baby coming out of Katherine Heigl's fake vag) and just like the 40 Year Old Virgin I thought it was 20 minutes too long, but other than that, I loved it. Didn't think I would see a better comedy all year but, boy, was I wrong...
Superbad. Cause then along came Superbad. What can I really say about it? It was fucking hilarious. I mean, McLovin, come on! And I totally heart Micheal Cera 4evah!!!1!
The Bourne Ultimatum. So awesome. There was almost no plot, but it still just rocked.
Gone, Baby, Gone. Heartbreaking. Based on a book from my favorite detective series, I usually don't really care to see my favorite books made into movies, but this was a home run.
Dan in Real Life. Steve Carell is such a good actor, he says more with his eyes than most do with words. The scene where he dances in the bar had me laughing so hard I cried, and then the scene where he sang "Let My Love Open the Door" made me cry for real. He had so much awesome flowing out of him it covered Dane Cook and counteracted his inherent non awesomeness.
Juno. Oh, Juno. I knew I would love you the moment I heard about you. In this age of trailers and nonstop promotion, I was shocked that they didn't reveal one of the major storylines of the movie. I kept thinking, this movie isn't really going there, is it? And then it went there, and resolved itself without being trite or selling the characters out. And hey, have I mentioned I love Jason Bateman? And that I heart Micheal Cera. Cause dude, I do.

That's all I got for the moment. Maybe I'll write about my favorite music of the year soon, but, um, don't hold your breath or anything.

New Year's Eve, boo ya

Maybe I'll write more about it later, but for the moment I direct you to awesome videos at my youtube page.

Also, for your viewing pleasure, here is my fave. LOVE TO HEAR PRECUSSION.