Monday, December 24, 2007

A Race Family Christmas

We just went to a movie, national treasure 2, which was actually
pretty good. I lobbied for walk hard but got outvoted. Oh well. Right
now we're off to have drinks at my parents' favorite bar, and we
convinced my mom not to make us go to church so the plan for tonight
is just to go home, eat meat pie and open presents, yippee! I already
know I'm getting a microwave and 30 rock on DVD. Life can't get much
better.

Peace out.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Test

This is a test. Supposedly I can post on my blog just be sending an
email... This is probably not a great thing, since it prompts me when
I am bored to write stupid posts about how I just thought about that
SNL commercial parody with cookie dough gatorade and will ferral
squeezing cookie dough onto his face and laughed out loud. Oh will
ferral, I wish you were pure and innocent again.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

One More Brew Observation to Make My Readers' Days

I really hate that section of "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" with the baseball announcer. Come to think of it, I hate the section with the girl screaming about "will you love me forever" as well. Hell, I think I hate this entire song.

The Brew Needs More Christmas Songs

They have like maybe ten, and so I keep hearing the same bad ones over and over again, including Bruce Springsteen's version of "Santa Claus is Comin' to Town" where it sounds like he is not even singing, just sort of half talking and half drunk slurring. Put down the egg nog Bruce.

Friday, December 7, 2007

I Know I Am Way Behind...

but I am watching Ugly Betty on DVD and Daniel is about to hit on his supposed to be dead brother who is actually a hot new lady and I can't handle it! This show is suppose to be fun and light and silly, not creepy and incesty. ugh!

Also, why won't Betty just dump that sad sack Walter and do it with Henry already???!!!

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Ever Since I Can Remember, I've Been Poppinga My Collar.

So, last year, my HLP StayLo was kind enough to invite me to the first Packer game of the season. Her parents live three blocks from Lambeau, and before the game (which I believe was at night or at least later in the afternoon) her family had a barbecue and I got sloppy drunk off delicious frozen margaritas in a bucket. I believe there was also some frozen *censored* on a beach in a bucket too. I may not be remembering it right, but there was definetly frozen alcoholic drinks in buckets and I was definetly blotto. Anyways, at the actual game I became obsessed with one of the Packers' new players, Brady Poppinga. Despite StayLo's insistence that his name was pronounced pa-pin-ga, I kept saying over and over again, "ever since I can remember I've been poppin-ga my collar", to the tune of that awesome rap song by national treasure The Three Six Mafia, "Poppin' My Collar." This is probably one of those "you had to be there" stories, but trust me, it was really funny and ever since I can't not refer to Brady Poppinga as "Poppinga my colla." (This story is leading somewhere too, so be patient, god.)

So a couple weeks ago StayLo was all excited to tell me that Mr. Poppinga my collar himself was going to be making an appearance at her company to sign autographs as part of some cell phone promotion. I was like, dude, you have to tell him that I call him Poppinga my collar and see what he says. StayLo did not like this idea, and I think even said something about the fact that Mr. PMC happens to be Mormon and would not even know what song she was talking about, which is total bs cause they can't get enough of the Three Six Mafia in Utah.

Anyways, (I need a new segue word, just like how in every brief I write I'm constantly saying further to the point where I bet every judge in the Milwaukee area is like, here's Attorney X and her damn further again), tonight StayLo and I went to dinner to start planning my big 30th birthday extravanganza (mark your calendars for Jan. 12! I'm supa excited!!!) and she presented me with this -->

OMG, how awesome, right! It's a little hard to see, but it's a signed picture of Mr. PMC, and it's addressed to "Pizza" Kari. It made me one happy camper. And then StayLo told me this long story about how when she asked Mr. PMC to sign it to Pizza Kari he wanted to know the story of how I got that nickname and StayLo tried to tell a short version but it went on and on and finally I was just like, "so you are telling me that you wouldn't tell him that I call him Poppinga my collar but you would ask him to sign a photo to Pizza Kari and then give him the entire history of my stupid nickname?" It was silly, but I heart my photo and I heart my HLP StayLo.

In other news, thanks to Leslie and the Bink's insistence I would love it for about a year now, and two recent trips to St. Louis where all Alan George (shout out to Alan George! don't feed him after midnight [unless it's at Uncle Petey's {is that what that place was called? I almost said Uncle Freddie's, but I know that's not right, noooo Uncle Freddie didn't die} what the hell am I talking about?]) and Dave have on their DVR is old episodes, I have finally given in to Family Guy. I have been DVR'ing episodes on the Cartoon Network (there's like 60 episodes a week on a bunch of different channels, wtf) and getting the DVDs from the library. I love Stewie! He's so cute when he dresses up like an adult and tries to murder people and stuff. I also really like Cleveland, and when I caught the rerun of the one where Lois comes back from the dead and Stewie holds everyone hostage and kills Cleveland I was so happy it was (spoiler alert!) all a simulation in the end cause I don't want to live in a world without Cleveland. I know I am like 5 years behind on liking this show and all, but I guess better late than never.

Speaking of being way behind, I have also recently become obsessed with the Feist song "My Moon My Man." Shout out to Mr. Joe Christopher on this one (I'm having a shout out fit tonight - other people I know, get blogs so you too can be shouted out to by me! I'm awesome!), since he was talking about her album like six months ago on his blog. I love the part at the end when she just sings "my moon my man" over and over. It's my favorite song to listen to in the morning on the way to work, I just sing my moon my man as loud as I can for a good couple minutes and I feel ready for the day.

To wrap this long entry up, I would like to share one more anecdote about my day, gather round kids. Today the Big Cheese, (this is what I have taken to calling my boss at work, not to his face, OBVIOUSLY, but in my head, cause it's funner than "boss" and cause he just seems like a guy people would refer to as the Big Cheese), since I have been yawning a lot lately (which I think is mostly because whenever I am in his office we're usually talking about kind of boring stuff and not cause I am necessarily tired or anything) asked me what I do at night, and then was like "do you go out and party all night like that Britney Spears?" This is probably another one of those had to be there things but it was pretty damn hilarious, cause 1) all I do at night is come home and watch tv or write stupid blogs and 2) this is the first, and hopefully last, time in my life I will ever be compared to Britney Spears for any reason.

Shout out to anyone reading this blog whom I have not already shouted out to tonight. I do it all for you.

Monday, December 3, 2007

Excitement!

Today is the best day evah!!!1!1!! I got my first hate comment on my blog, and I learned that at my office Christmas party we do yankeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee swap! Boo ya grandma! I am so getting a foot bath/massager.

Yankee Swap is like Machiavelli meets... Christmas.

I Hate You Lance Bass!

He doesn't even talk about his Vegas "marriage" in his "book." WHAT. THE. HELL. I didn't stay up trying to finish this shit to learn all about your Russian cosmonaut training, Lance.

Ugh, so frustrating. I hate you now.
On Halloween!

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Lance Bass is a Bad Writer. And a Grade A Asshole.


So I got Lance Bass' book (excuse me, I mean "memoir") from the library, and not like I expected it to be some great masterpiece or anything, I mostly want to read it cause I am a whore for gossip and was wondering who the hell he married in Vegas that one time, cause did you hear about that, what the hell, how random, ANYWAYS, it's so badly written I feel like every N*Sync song will forever be tainted for me and I will never again be able to hear "feel the love from the floor to the ceiling" without flashing back to reading this shit Lance Bass has spewed onto the shitty pages of his shitty book.

Besides being badly written it's really boring! Get to the juicy stuff already Lance, I don't care about how you were in some show choir called Showstoppers. Of. Course. You. Were. And I bet you had the best jazz hands of them all. Other groups Lance was in include "seven card STUD", yes you read that right, and "Attache". PLEASE note that Attache has an accent mark on the e. I wish I could figure out how to insert one in blogger, cause it really adds to the ridonkulous effect.

Here's the passage that really set me off. Lance starts talking about how he loves halloween, exciting memoir material, and spends two paragraphs describing this one halloween night in high school when he was crammed into the backseat of his friend Jason's car when his friend Laura came over and asked him to ride with her to wherever they were going but he didn't want to get out of Jason's backseat after he had crammed himself in (NOT LIKE THAT PERV) , like why is he mentioning this? To let us in on all the pussy he could have gotten in high school but didn't want? No, actually, this story takes a much darker turn. After finally conceding to Laura's wishes (she sounds like a really see you next tuesday, who is that desperate for the company of Lance Bass??) and getting out of Jason's car, they arrive at their destination and wait 45 minutes for Jason to show, which he never does, because DUN DUN DUN DUN, he was in an accident, and the very backseat where Lance was sitting was totaled! Here's a quote, and this is exactly how it appears in the book...

"The car spun around and hit another car, and the back end, where I'd been sitting only minutes earlier, was totaled. It looked like an accordian. If Laura hadn't forced me out of Nathan's car, I could have been seriously injured.
On Halloween!"

WTF. So if you had gotten seriously injured On Halloween! this would have somehow been worse than getting seriously injured on some other random night? What is wrong with you? It so weird and jarring I read it like 3 times thinking to myself, what is he talking about??? Also, we can learn several other things from this passage. 1) Laura wasn't such a c-word after all since she apparently saved Lance Bass' life and all. Wait, maybe she is so bad since that means he could go on and write this crap. I think the jury is still out on you, Miss Laura. 2) Lance Bass is a bad writer. y'all, the totaled car looked like an "accordian." What vivid and original imagery. But most importantly, what we learn from this passage is...

3) Lance Bass is an asshole! He doesn't even tell us what happened to the people actually unfortunate enough to be in the car that ended up looking like an accordian! Did they die? Were they horribly disfigured? Did they walk away free and clear? Did they turn out to be homosexuals who wrote shitty boring memoirs???? And it's not like he's ignoring their fates to focus on his own story and move the narrative along. Lance Bass drops names like a motherfucker throughout this damn book. Just a couple pages before he talks about how he always felt he would be famous, and "at the end of the school year I wrote in my classmate Keri Martin's yearbook, 'Keep this autograph because I'm going to be famous one day.'" Who cares that that chick's name was? Does she have incriminating photos of him or what? Why randomly mention her? And also, what a douche, anyone who goes around saying they are going to be famous, actually becomes famous, and then tells that story like it's endearing and cute without realizing it's actually douchey and shitty is an ASSHOLE.

Ok, I am stopping now. Y'all, I'm only on page 20 and I am this riled up. I should probably stop reading but maybe it will get better after he actually starts doing it with guys and stuff? I'll keep you posted...