My Life Has Become A Boring Pop Song…

and everyone's singing along. This subject line doesn't have much to do with the actual post I am about to make, but I was listening to that song (I'm Ready by Jack's Mannequin) this morning and that lyric seemed like a good thing to put in a blog. Isn't that what all the crazy kids are blogging about these days anyways, intepreting song lyrics and such? Anyways, saying that my life has become a boring pop song implies way more excitement than my life actually has. My life is pretty much just boring, full stop, end of sentence, no noun needed.

Anyways, on to the real post, which is actually quite simple…

Dear Britney,

PUT YOUR CROTCH AWAY AND TEND TO YOUR CHILDREN. For Christ's sake, it takes a real talent for idiocy to make K-Fed look like a more devoted parent.

Love, Kari

Bailey's Caramel, Where Have You Been All My Life?

Have you ever seen an advertisement for a new product and thought, how the hell didn't they come up with this before now? I keep seeing billboards for new Bailey's with Caramel and Bailey's with Mint Chocolate, and I have to say, what have the product testers at Bailey's been for the past ten years? How could they have not come up with this before? Seriously, Bailey's with Caramel should have been in my life for years now. I should have several shot recipes that involve Bailey's with Caramel. I should have used Bailey's with Caramel in every batch of Corn Maze Hot Chocolate I have ever made. I should have poured Bailey's with Caramel on several small scrapes and bruises I have had over the years.

I can't live in the past though, I just have to be grateful that Bailey's with Caramel is a part of my life now. Thanks to the big guy in the sky for that. When I am old and gray I will tell my grandchildren, "When I was your age, there were no fancy Bailey's flavors, we had to make do with plain old Bailey's. Be grateful you dirty brats." And then I will serve them a bottle full of Bailey's with Caramel to put them to sleep.

I Am on Team Pam

If you are on Team Karen you have a cold, dead heart. Please let me know so I can delete you from my friends, egg your house, and notify the proper authorities.

In other news, has anyone else seen those awesome new anti-drug commericals? There's this young dude, and this younger dude. And young dude says to the younger dude, in this totally evil voice of course, "Hey, want to smoke some weed?" Younger dude is all "I don't smoke weed, I smoke clowns like you on the bball court." HOW EFFING AWESOME IS THAT? Then there is this totally insane M. Night Shymalan twist where it turns out young dude was actually trying to teach younger dude "cool" ways to refuse drugs, and they both have an endearing chuckle over how "lame" younger dude's response was. But I think it's awesome, and it is totally my new comeback to everything. Hey Kari, want to go see a movie? Hell no, I don't smoke movies, I smoke clowns like you on the bball court.

In summation, if you are on Team Karen I will smoke you like the clown you are on the bball court.

Oh, and also

I have posted a boo-tiful picture of my cat, Baron von Heinekin of Sussex. He is a distinguished gentleman, as you can see from the white tuxedo he is sporting. If Baron could talk, when he met new people he would say "Good evening. Charmed, I'm sure."

Smell Ya Later Rummy

Maybe now that you are unemployed you can enlist and go fight the good fight for democracy in Iraq. SINCE IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO AND ALL.