Open Letter to Anyone Who Has Ever Driven on the Highway Period

GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE LEFT LANE! If you are riding in the left lane and you are not actively passing someone, I HATE YOU. Don't even try to be like, "but I am going faster than most of these cars and I don't want to keep moving over to pass the slower cars in the right lane!" Yea, I know, it's so effing tough to put your blinker on and move over lanes. I am crying for you right now, but I DON'T CARE because I WANT TO GO FASTER THAN YOU. And then when I pass you I will move over to the right lane so that if someone wants to go faster than me they can. BECAUSE I UNDERSTAND HOW DRIVING ON THE HIGHWAY IS SUPPOSE TO WORK, unlike you you fricking idgit.

Also, by "actively passing," I mean that if you come upon someone in the right lane who is driving slower than you and you must pass on the left, WHY DON'T YOU SPEED UP TO DO IT??? Do not just effing get in the left lane and roll on at your current speed. THAT IS ANNOYING AND IT SLOWS EVERYONE DOWN. Let's just get something straight: if you are ever in the left lane and you are not going more than 5 mph over the speed limit, YOU ARE A WORTHLESS EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING and you should be sterilized so that you cannot propagate another generation of morons who will fuck up everyone else's life through their stupidity.

A special shout out to the mongoloid at the Praireville Shell station, who left her car parked at the pump after she was done filling up while she went inside to buy her ho-hos or ding dongs or whatever. Did you seriously have your head so far up your own ass that you did not see the one, even two cars, parked behind every single pump waiting to fill up? I mean, I AM NOT KIDDING YOU, I thought you were a part of some hidden camera show designed to capture the reactions of people to extreme stupidity, cause I really cannot believe you did not want to put your car in drive and move it 20 feet to a parking spot right outside the front door. Congratulations, you're an asshole. I am amazed the human genetic code could create someone with such a severe level of retardation. Do us all a favor and get a helmet and never leave your home again.

Oh, one other thing. If I have to get into the left lane to pass you, cause you are a moron and everything, and then when I get back into the right lane you flash your brights at me, or honk or WHATEVER to try and show your disapproval, STOP WASTING YOUR TIME. I do not fucking care! You deserve that shit! Be glad I didn't throw eggs at your car or something. ONE DAY MY TOLERANCE WILL BE EVEN LOWER THAN IT ALREADY IS AND I WILL RUN YOU OFF THE ROAD, I swear to all that is holy.

Seacrest out.